The Craving

  Ahhhh. On day #8.  Doing well.  I had some pretty serious cravings yesterday when we had a spontaneous road trip back home.  Anyone who has ever had the pleasure of dining at Portillo's knows exactly what I mean.  The grilled veggie sandwich (which I ordered happily, just *KNOWING* it would be every bit as wonderful as all of the rest of their food...) was awful.  Not awful in comparison to the chopped salad (which sounds like it would be fine, but is full of things I can't eat - chicken, bacon, pasta), or not awful in comparison to the only sausage I'll eat (Maxwell Street Polish... char grilled on french bread with extra grilled onions and extra mustard.  I love this thing SO MUCH that after I had the twins - after endless months of not being able to eat anything - THIS is what I ate...and I ate TWO, so me and Maxwell St. Polish have a history) No, this sandwich wasn't just awful in comparison to the other heavenly deliciousness - it was just awful.  All on its own.  The "whole grain focaccia" was horrendous - doughy and flavorless.  The veggies - all zucchini with two small slices of mushroom and a very thin slice of tomato - were not marinated, not seasoned at all.  It was so disappointing.   So...well... I'll live.  But this definitely marked my first cravings since I began my plant-based journey.  And, again, it wasn't so much that I wanted meat - it was that I wanted Portillo's.  Also got to go into Smuzi Juice Bar in Geneva, IL for the first time!  They're holding a fundraiser for our Non Profit in July and so I went in to drop off some brochures and get a juice.  Had a Yamtastic - sweet potato, celery, kale, apple juices with cinnamon.  It was very tasty!

   Last week's lentils and cauliflower worked out well.  I made a big batch and was able to throw some in salads, heat some up alone if I needed something quick... The convenience is a big thing because by the time I get meals made for everyone else, I just need something easy... I do NOT like cooking two meals, so having something easy to grab or add to a salad was fantastic.  Because that worked so well... for this week, I just made a big pot of ratatouille.  Eggplant, sweet peppers, onions, tomatoes, zucchini and garlic... I'll make up a big bowl of quinoa to pair that with and I will have a go-to for the week.  It seems that this, as much as anything (having a simple pre-made item available) has made this easy. So far.

  That's about it.  Considering getting a juicer to lighten up & get the nutrition in.  Smoothies are delicious, they get the fiber on board, but with such a focus on nutrition, I feel like I might get some more nutrition with juicing.  I've bought and given away 2 juicers in the last 3 years...I don't like taking them apart, cleaning them is complicated... I don't know.  Gotta think about it.

  There. Now that's it.  Hope you had a great weekend!

Day Four and Almost All is Well!

Day Four from the front lines - I took a bite of meat.  One bite.  I'm having a lot of difficulty with cooking for my family and not being able to taste - not sure what it tastes like and unsure of seasoning.  So... I don't know that that's really "cheating".  I guess the good part was that I didn't want any more.  I've really not had any cravings thus far.  I've had a few rumbly tummy moments, but a few nuts, veggie smoothie, some berries, an apple... I'm managing.

  Monday night was a rough one here...I haven't heard officially what it's being called, I've heard tornado and I'm gonna go with it.  Our neighbors' garages blew down (two different garages at two different houses), the siding and a window were ripped off of one of our garages, trees uprooted everywhere.  It was the craziest thing... one minute I was getting ready to go pick up my older boys and my Dad - they were fishing in the next town over - the sky was a little overcast, but the sun was trying to shine... and the next minute the power went out and before we knew it, there were branches flying past the kitchen window.  

  So, of course, we had no power.  We have food here, but I did find a hole in our preparedness plan.  When it is 90* outside, you certainly don't want to start a fire in the fireplace to cook.  When it is raining, grilling is not ideal.  Gotta think about that.  So, I missed my morning smoothies but all in all, I did well.  I was glad that I made the lentil and cauliflower curry... came in handy.  Thankful to have power back and looking forward to my morning smoothie tomorrow. 

  Tonight's dinner was carnitas - but not for me (not counting the bite I took to make sure it didn't need any other seasonings.)  How do others get around this?  I will be cooking meat for this crew.  I'm not expecting anyone else to follow suit, but I love cooking and do need to figure out... maybe the tastes while cooking are just part of the deal.  I had another taco salad -  with a little bit of rice (with black beans and tomatoes, onions, chilis and cilantro). 

   So, the day wraps up.  On a good note.  Mama got a vehicle today.  I'm loving it so far and so very excited to not have to drive the pickup truck any more!

  And, on a fantastic note: We thought our litter of baby kittehs was blown away in the storm. We didn't see them for 2 days!  We found them today!!!!!!!!!  I'm so excited to report that Willie, Si and Miss Kay are alive and well.  So precious!  <3    

Day Two - Stress Rising

      I knew that this week would be a slightly stressful one.  I wasn't sure how the stress would affect me.  I am trying to be chill but I can feel my blood pressure rising - my temples are pounding... I walk in the door to kids wanting lunch, a child begging to go fishing, trying to figure out if tonight's baseball game is cancelled or still on...and I'm hungry.  This morning's smoothie (celery, carrot, chia, strawberry, peach, walnuts and kale) stuck with me nicely but now... I am starting to feel growly.  I'm thinking a lentil and cauliflower curry - gonna make plenty so I have lunches or dinners for the week.  And I have to figure out dinner for the crew tonight.  And make cupcakes for Sam's birthday for his team mates - if they have a game.  If not, boys will be walking baseball cupcakes to the neighbors.

    So, in moving forward with days/weeks that I know are going to be stressful (everything except being gone all morning surrounded by fourteen 5 year olds -and I love 5 year olds... it's the whole fourteen of them part that makes my right eye twitch more than a little - anyhow... everything except the being gone all morning thing is a typical day here - so my daily routine (but I normally add several hours of work into the mix) is just, by the very nature of having 3 active boys and a busy husband, slightly stressful.  That was quite a run on.... the end of the thought is that on days that I know are going to be stressful, I'm going to need a plan.  Not sure what the plan looks like yet, but I need to have something in place to combat the munchies.  I'm thankful that I don't have a sweet tooth, but right now, my salty cravings are going insane.

    Journaling through this has already been helpful - gives me something to do other than think about the steak I am craving right now.  Flank steak.  On the grill.  With bleu cheese compound butter.  I have been dairy - free for a year and a half and I had a hard time separating from cheese, but after about a month without, I was fine.  That craving has returned with a vengance.  I think it is just now, because I'm feeling stressed, once I get a nice warming curry in my tummy, I should be good.  I hope.

Every Journey Begins with Just One Step

    There are so many things rushing through my mind right now.  Today is the beginning of my Journey to Well.  Today hasn't been terrible.  I'm thoroughly expecting the terrible to follow at some point, but it didn't happen today.  For this, I'm thankful.  I ask myself (and have been asked several times just today) - WHY would someone do what I've begun.  The reasons are plentiful and my dedication is true.  What on Earth am I even talking about?  My Journey to Well, which has been a long time coming, started as an idea, evolved into a plan and began today with action.  I've been (mostly) grain-free and completely dairy-free for almost a year and a half.  Unpleasant GI symptoms have plagued me since my sister's death 2 years ago.  The stress  triggered something that I'd not before experienced and slowly, I figured out that a change in diet was necessary.  So, I did an elimination diet - took out everything but vegetables and fruits and slowly started adding from there.  I discovered that grains and dairy upset my system and so have avoided them.  I already (before today) consistently am asked "What CAN you eat?!?!"  My answer, before today, was "Vegetables, fruit, nuts, seeds, eggs and meat."  My answer as of today - all of the same things, except for the animal products.  I've decided to try out a vegan diet.  It's really not so very different from how I've been eating, except that I am sticking almost completely to whole, real foods.

    We (as a family) eat relatively little processed foods anyhow, but I'm dropping that even more.  I am allowing for a few vegan-friendly processed foods - today, for example, I had a serving of TVP with veggies for lunch (and I put some into the taco meat I made for dinner, but don't tell anyone!).  I like MorningStar Farms products occasionally.  But, for the most part, a whole foods, plant based diet is the direction I've chosen to go.  I didn't really say much about this to Sam, my youngest.  One of his comments today, after getting his dinner (I'm not sure where it came from, but out of the mouths of babes...)  "I don't understand people who don't eat meat.  They don't know what they're missing!"   What an encouragement? 

    I apologize for the "all-over" nature of this, my first entry on this blog.  My thoughts are truly all over as I explore my feelings, my reasons and the implications of this choice.

     My Reasons

• Health - I'm overweight by way too much.  I have food triggers for debilitating migraine headaches.  I can feel my body not working the way I want it to - for example - When I get stressed, I can feel my blood pressure going up.  I  am too young (LOL, in my opinion) to deal with things like high blood pressure.  And I am directly responsible for my outcome.  I'm the only person who is responsible for my health.  
• Breaking Bonds - I'm a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.  I've used food to distance myself from people, out of fear that they, too, will just hurt me.  On some level, this has been my life since I was 4 years old.  No More.

• My Faith - I'm a Christian.  What was the Ideal?  The Original Plan that God had for us?  It was a life in the Garden of Eden - surrounded by plants and animals - but eating plants.  It wasn't until after the Fall that we started to consume animal products.  So, perhaps, our optimum health can exist most easily, by following the Original Plan?  Also, just today (and I don't think this is a coincidence), I read an article that indicated that one of the (if not the biggest) factory farming congloms in the U.S. is run by a man who is a Christian.  This same company was featured in a documentary that I watched a couple years ago - and it was not featured in a positive light.  At the end of the day, I have to reconcile my beliefs with my actions.  If my actions contribute to what I see as a major problem, I can't reconcile my beliefs with my actions.  I am not someone who will ever say "Don't eat meat." to someone, everyone needs to do what they feel is the right thing for them.  For me, however,  the treatment of animals is very important to me, and if I am using my buying power to line the pockets of huge corporations who not only encourage their small farmer contractors to perpetuate gross mistreatment of animals, but also by very nature of their business model, put small family farmers out of business because of their virtual monopoly on the market.  In good conscience, I can no longer take part in this.   

    And so... the Journey to Well has begun.  My "First Step" - my first day - has gone remarkably well.  I had a smoothie for breakfast (Kale, Carrot, Cucumber, Peach & Strawberry with Chia seeds.)  Lunch was a salad of TVP & tomatoes, cucumbers and mint.  And dinner for the family was tacos, so I just eliminated the meat and shell and had a taco salad - butter lettuce, kale, cilantro, tomatoes, black beans and walnuts with tomatillo salsa.   I didn't have any cravings today, I thought for sure that would be an issue, thankful that it hasn't yet been an issue, even when cooking the taco meat.

   Day One - Success.